All of us have a past, whether we are smiling or crying, happy or sad, our past can sometimes come back to haunt us. Many single mothers are single either because of a painful past or by choice, both of which often lead to very hurtful events or painful emotions that tend to not want to leave us even long after we’ve left.
As I go about my days staying busy and preoccupied with things that might not even make a difference tomorrow, every now and then a little something triggers a wave of memories through my mind. The folding of huge waves that come crashing down mimic the storms of emotions that force their way over my head, mainly fear, sadness, and disappointment. That momentary thought when you feel like you just got caught under one of those waves, unable to surface to the top, gasping for air as you sink deeper and deeper. Such is my experience.
Easier said than done, the women I know who have not forgotten or forgiven have said countless times that it just isn’t that easy to let go, especially if you were betrayed, accused, or mistreated. This inability to let go often stems from the thought that we deserved better. Somehow, it is difficult to comprehend how someone you love or once loved could put you through such immoral pain and suffering.
Letting go does not mean that you have to completely erase someone or something from your memory, we all know that isn’t likely going to happen (not without dementia at least). Imagine sand in the palm of your hands as you start closing your fist. The tighter you close, the more sand seeps out through your fingers and falls on the ground. Did you forget that sand that just left your hand? It is nonetheless gone, out of your grasp.
I read recently that the reason we forgive others who hurt us is not because they deserve it, but because we deserve to live in peace. The scorn of hatred can only eat us up inside, and chances are that your children will likely feed off this negative energy as well. When we are able to be at peace with ourselves, we can start to learn to truly be happy and contented, to see life as it is without expecting anyone else to make us happy.
Cutting the Cords
Sometimes, we do feel like no matter how much we try, someone still has a hold over us. It’s almost as if they can still feel us and tap into our minds and souls, taking control and smothering us so we just cannot move on. Sometimes, this might just be true.
Someone recommended the “Cutting the Cords” meditation to rid yourself of people who sap your energy and drain you. When we are in relationships, we form a union, a sort of bond that functions in the universe as one. Sometimes, even after you have left, that cord that bound you together still exists, hence you are able to still feel each other even though apart.
Watch the following video if you want to try to cut the cords.
I find it extremely difficult sometimes to be thankful for what we have. We are often so bogged down and strained from the bad stuff in life that we don’t really see the good stuff. Even when I am reminded to be grateful for what I have, I seem to suddenly forget what I actually have the minute a crisis strikes. It’s like a game of cat and mouse with my gratitude, sometimes I just don’t see it.
The law of attraction believes that you are only blessed with more good things when you are grateful for them. Do you ever wonder why the same person keeps getting the promotions or how the same mother keeps making more and more money while we are stuck struggling to make ends meet? This is the law of attraction.
In the midst of my divorce, I would often feel sorry and disappointed at the situation and the people involved. While I would sulk in a corner, I had two lovely smiling children who were trying to make me laugh. They couldn’t quite understand it, but they just didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t smiling with them. If I could stand where I was today, I would have smiled and given them a hug. At that time, I did give them a hug but I started to cry because of how sorry I felt for them to have to go through this. They would probably never recall that incident, but if they did, they would not have remembered me happy.
It is only a matter of time before all of us can move on. Many single mothers start dating, get remarried, and have nice loving families again. However for some, there doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of a tunnel.
For mothers who are caught in treacherous legal and custody battles, while it may feel like you are drained and about to quit, hang in there. Many mothers get caught in the court system for years from abusing spouses who use the legal system to continue their harassment and abusive ways. Many use financial control through withholding child support to weaken mothers and punish them for leaving. Whatever the reason you are still fighting this battle, remember that you are not alone. Always speak to a friend or a therapist when you feel like giving up.
A wise man once said, “Treat it like you would a business.” Act, react and feel as if this was just a business transaction that you had to resolve. Not only does this prevent you from getting emotionally drained each time you have to face your ex-spouse or the attorneys, it also keeps you in a clear mind to be able to make sound decisions in the best interests of you and your children.
To all mothers who are struggling, you have my prayers.
About Rock Star Mums. Rock Star Mums is a blog that strives to bring hope, purpose, and strength to single mothers in their battles to raise smart, happy, healthy children. Becca, founder and writer of Rock Star Mums, is a mother, motivator, and educator of two young children in California. Read A Letter from Becca.