When exhaustion sets in…

 

We think we can keep going. We sleep less. Do more. Workout. Skip meals.  Then make lovely home cooked meals for our children to avoid processed carbs, saturated fats, sugar, and salt. When exhaustion sets in, we beat ourselves up for not being awake enough, for not making the coffee stronger, for not having more energy.

We love it when someone calls us superwomen. Yet we hate the fact that even superheroes need rest.

We long to have one extra hour of sleep. Yet we despise having not enough time to pack a better lunch for those plastic lunchboxes that seem to get forgotten at noon.

We feel the need to constantly do more. Yet abhor how much we actually have to do.

When exhaustion sets in, it never ends…

Our schedule is hectic. Juggling home school and work and chores and everything that falls in between has become every parent’s circus act. This never-ending stunt that single mothers try to pull is demanding more from our physical and mental capacities than we could ever imagine.

It’s a lot. This balancing act as I like to call it. I strive to be the best single mother there is. Actually, the best mother. Period.

Yet by the end of the day, my back aches. My eyes are barely staying open. It feels like maybe I can’t really feel my feet. Or maybe I do, but I’m not sure how much they hate me anymore. When exhaustion sets in, there is an overwhelming yearning to curl into a ball. To leap over to the other side of the bathroom mirror and stay hidden for a little longer. Sometimes there is a voice saying that you can keep going. But that voice slowly dozes off before my mind can actually wind down for the night.

That voice is my own.

It’s the gentle reminder in my head that tells me “you are human too.” A soft whisper that says “it’s not just you.” And often, I hear it telling me that “maybe you need to rest.”

Yes. When exhaustion sets in, insanity often follows.

I feel myself zoning out at the sink, my mind is blank. It’s taking me twice as long to fold the laundry, three times longer to respond to a simple question. Maybe four times as long to even try to fall asleep. The minutes to bedtime seem to drag. But when I’m laying down, my mind starts cycling through all the things I need to get done when I wake.

There’s a looming list of responsibilities that single mothers cradle, almost like the ball at the end of the chain. We do it willingly, lovingly. Yes, we do it because we want the best for our children. We often though forget to take care of ourselves.

Self-love is key.

No. I’m not talking about a long bubble bath (though that would be nice).  I’m not referring to the insatiable thirst for a large glass of wine and to just chill in front of the television.

Self-love is not all these things we think we need. It is not the myriad of nice-sounding luxuries a single mother can only dream of.  Self-love is more than that. It’s the burning passion to do what makes you happy. Skip the manicures and facials. Forget the massages.

I used to think that by running off to a spa day every now and then, I’d be rejuvenated and ready to start the new week fresh and energized. I craved that one hour at the nail bar, having someone pamper my hands and feet. And I had my glass of wine after the kids went to bed. Then another. And another. (And woke up with a splitting headache.)

When we went into lock down and had absolutely zero ways to do all these things I thought I needed, I realized I needed more. I wanted more than just to be pampered and look pretty. I yearned to pursue my desires and break the monotony of housework, homeschooling, and work. If anything, I did not try to get away from the kids. Nor did u need a break or timeout.

I wanted to be free. To be me.

My quest to break free from my responsibilities turned into a desire to be me. Of course I had to take care of the kids. But it had to be on my terms. Yes I wanted them to eat healthy. But I wanted to be healthy too. And for sure I wanted them to be happy. But I wanted to be happy as well.

It wasn’t so much the priorities and responsibilities that weighed me down. It was how I tackled each one of them that kept me from being free. There has to be a way to be a good mother and still love myself enough to do what I needed to do for myself.

See, self-love and being a good mother are not mutually exclusive.

One weighs heavily on the other. The other relies solely on the one.

There was no point making a hearty, home cooked meal if I didn’t enjoy it.  The purpose of teaching kids to focus on school is lost when I had nothing to focus on building or learning. No point telling the kids to think positive and be happy if u was not happy to begin with.

Self-love is realizing that I self-sabotaged my happiness in my efforts to be a great mother. It is striving to find the toxicity in myself before expecting my kids to be free. Self-love is being able to see that my failure to pursue my passion and ambitions was holding me back from teaching my kids to pursue theirs.

Most importantly, I realized that self-love was learning to say “no” when the kids want me to say yes. It’s telling them to wait when mommy really just needs to sit down for a minute. Self-love is being able to say that I will get to something when I finish what I am doing.

Because just like them, mommy also needs time to finish what she wants to do.

When exhaustion sets in…

It’s not mean to tell the kids to wait. Neither is it mean to tell them that I’m not up to it right now. While we want to do everything for them, they too must learn that because mommy is important, she will need to make time to do the things that are important to her.

Forget rushing through dishes so you can run outside to play. Don’t bother finishing the laundry just so you can store that empty basket. The kids can wait. So can the laundry.

The one thing we mothers often forget is ourselves. It’s not the break away from the kids to get our hair done. Nor is it the long, hot baths that really reset our stamina.  It’s the little daily habits that matter most. The ability to finish our lunch before trying to reset the router. The last sip of coffee before rushing to walk the dog. A minute more to sit still before getting up to prepare a snack.

The small doses of time we take to ourselves are largely more rejuvenating than an hour massage. And the gratification from deciding when you get to stand back up or start the chores is more satisfying than sleeping in for the next few days. The fact that you are doing it for you means more than if anyone else thought you were superwoman the rest of your life.

The truth is…

When exhaustion sets in, you have to do what’s best for you. And a huge fundamental of loving yourself is to ensure that you don’t let exhaustion kick in as often as it does.