Dealing with the pandemic as a single mother

No matter how strong we are, the COVID-19 pandemic has been an emotionally draining experience. Single mothers bear the brunt of dealing with the pandemic. While everyone has their own ways of dealing with the pandemic, many are still struggling through simple daily routines.

Some were frazzled with juggling work and homeschooling. Others found themselves confused and depressed. And honestly,  I don’t blame them. 

It’s alright to feel overwhelmed, especially in situations like these. No one could imagine a pandemic happening. Or fathom all the things that would come along with its cause.

The most important fear we are facing is the uncertainty.

For the most part, we aren’t exactly sure where the virus is lurking. Scientific evidence and all the news we are reading are saying one thing first, then another the next. We don’t know if our loved ones are safe from a distance. We cannot see or touch the ones we miss most during these tough times. The internet did its job of making everyone insecure and paranoid. Not the mention throwing in tons of conspiracy theories. 

Yes, it’s tough. We hear you. We aren’t even sure ourselves when this will all end.

Dealing with the pandemic as a single mother

We’re not here to debate who is better at coping. We won’t even talk about the things we can’t control such as other people or the rules we now have to abide by. Тhe best advice you can get on dealing with the pandemic is to focus on your own world. And the things you can control. 

Single mothers have much lesser time than most others. We are expected to work and homeschool, then clean and cook. On top of it all, there are the needs and emotions of our children. Playtime. Mealtime. Tantrum-time!

In the times of the  pandemic, single mothers really have to pull their weight and manage it all. Some have even lost their jobs. As a result, income has been significantly reduced. 

‘’When you’re juggling mom life, work, and keeping up with teaching from home, it’s totally understandable for you to feel overwhelmed and overworked! Remember that when you take care of yourself, you take care of everyone else too. Give yourself permission to prioritize your own well-being, even if only in a small way. 

Transition rituals can also be helpful when you’re overwhelmed. How can you transition into alone time (if you get it!) after the kids go to bed? Maybe a cup of tea and a podcast, a 15 minute yoga session, or your favorite TV show can help to signal to your brain and body that you are allowed to rest. ‘’

Summer Forlenza
Associate Marriage and Family Therapist
www.summerforlenza.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/summer.the.therapist/ 

 

With everything going on, you have to learn the best way to cope. The way that works for you and your children. The way that you feel most confident at. Even if it means sitting silently by yourself every now and then.

Dealing with the pandemic using your mind 

This pandemic has introduced new routines and habits in your life. Dealing with the pandemic has made all our lives somewhat different overall.

Welcome to the new norm!

Above all, it has made single motherhood a lot harder. But in this stressful situation, we also have the opportunity to learn to take better care of ourselves. And to show ourselves the same love we give to our children. 

One of the most important ways in dealing with the pandemic is having the right mindset. This is the door to beginning your journey of self care and self love. Your mindset controls your thoughts, emotions and our approach to the circumstances. No one is happy with this situation and it’s normal to feel anxious or upset. But take a few deep breaths and tell yourself that you are strong enough to get through this.

Be confident. Try to distance yourself from all the bad news we are bombarded with on tv and social media. 

‘’For single moms juggling a variety of responsibilities, it can be easy to put yourself last and neglect your own needs. However, you need to fill your own cup first if you’re going to show up for others! Take an inventory of your own self care using these five dimensions: physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and social. Ask yourself if there are any needs of your own you need to care for first in these areas.”

Shannon Bagnara
CPC-I, Psychotherapist
IG: https://www.instagram.com/holistic.therapy.lv/ 

How to parent alone during the pandemic

Depending on the age of your child/children, it would take different parenting strategies for you to be efficient. Younger children can make your work at home a turbulent experience. While teenagers might be completely tuned out and not want to engage at all.

Understanding how the pandemic is affecting your children is the first step to parenting in these circumstances. Teenagers might feel alone as they are away from their friends. Younger children might not understand why they are not able to do the things they have always been doing.

Try to find activities for your children that will keep them engaged. Then use this time to complete the most important tasks for the day or tend to those urgent emails from work.  Taking intermittent breaks throughout the day to spend time with them will give children the attention they need while allowing space for both of you to do what you need to. 

Plan ahead. Take a look at what you need to accomplish on a daily basis and coordinate both your time and your children’s time. Perhaps you can jump on your laptop while they are attending a Zoom class. Or respond to that email while they are reading (yes, you should allocate reading time). When you are all working towards the same goal, it is easier for them to understand by watching your example. It is also easier for all of you to get things done simultaneously so you can have some playtime after. If necessary, work in separate rooms to avoid distractions.

When you are done with work, you would want to take a pause before you start doing chores around your house or working with your kids. This pause is a way of separating your responsibilities throughout the day. An interesting approach is to wear a suit you would normally wear at work and then change out of it when you are finished. 

Explain to your children that your job is important and that means that you need to be focused. Children can learn to understand why things are the way they are if they are given a chance to comprehend it. This is more confusing for them than it is for us! So take this as an opportunity to educate them. 

‘’Things that you can do with your kids that fill your cup are also encouraged. Think walking, playing with a pet, dancing to your favorite album, or enjoying something delicious. 

You may have to get creative and you may have to draw from a well of resiliency that you didn’t know you had, but you will get through this!’’

Summer Forlenza
Associate Marriage and Family Therapist
www.summerforlenza.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/summer.the.therapist/

Dealing with the pandemic – and thriving…

A productive approach for the family would be to create a schedule for both you and your children. Turn this chaotic experience into an opportunity. A way to teach them about managing their time, helping with chores, and being responsible. With so many more hours in the day at home, you can connect with them on a different level and really use the time to do things you normally could not do. 

Try to make your kids feel safe and as normal as possible, Connecting them with their friends on Skype or Zoom is a great way to at least give them a sense of connection. 

‘’The mom that is juggling it all needs to remember that right now you are doing the best you can and you are not failing.  So many mothers are coming into my office believing they’re bad mothers, but in reality they are overwhelmed and living through a pandemic.

Find small moments that are just for you and remember what they tell you during air travel: secure your mask before assisting others! It’s not selfish to have needs and to take care!’’

Laura Tamutis
MA, RP(Q)
IG: https://www.instagram.com/lauratamutistherapy/ 

No matter if you are in quarantine or not, you should have a self-care time in the evening. Take a warm bath that you deserve, or whatever else suits you. Try to reflect on how your day was and how it can be better. Read a book that you enjoy, or watch your favorite tv show. We all deserve a little bit of rest in these times. And it definitely helps to recharge and prepare for another day tomorrow.

 

Meet the Experts