Self-love comes at a time when you least need it

Self-love has been a goal for many single mothers. While we know we need it, we often forget to take care of ourselves. Many only start practicing self-love when they feel exhaustion or the onset of burnout.

Yet self-love is most needed and critical not when we feel we need it. It’s often in some of our best moments that self-love is necessary. And I say this for many reasons.

Loving yourself has no perfect timing.

True. Self-love has many benefits when you are struggling. However, if you are trying to practice self-love at a time you feel you really need it, you’ve probably already gone too long without it.

In all honesty, maintaining the coolant levels on your car is far more effective than waiting till your car is smoking in the middle of the freeway. Charging your phone before the battery dies out ensures you can continue to make calls and read articles on our website. Eating regularly has been medically proven to be more beneficial than waiting till you are starving before you have a meal.

As single mothers, the priorities are endless. And more often than not, self-love becomes the least of our worries. In fact, many of us have gone way overdue before deciding we need to think about ourselves.

Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Self-love is NOT just hot baths and wine.

The problem today is that many people mistake self-love and self-care with pampering. When a mother says she is exhausted, everyone tells her to get in the tub. When a single mother says she needs a break, everyone says to get a glass of wine.

Sure. All these things are nice and relaxing. But what good does it do for a single mom who is already depleted and needs to recharge? In fact, what good does any of these suggestions do for anyone who needs a breather?

We have been conditioned into thinking that these nice and pretty things are self-caring. The countless shopping lists of bath salts, nail polish, and alcohol have duped us into tricking ourselves into feeling better by simply using or consuming them. Nothing could be further from the truth. And take it from a fellow single mother who just recovered from a nasty cold while trying to juggle the many aspects of running a household on her own.

Sometimes I wonder if I would go crazy if I didn’t have that bath bomb with tea salts I keep on the top shelf all the time.

Self-love is so much different from what we actually know it to be. A huge aspect of loving yourself is as simple as speaking to yourself in a gentle voice. It is the everyday care you show yourself.

Loving yourself has so much more to do with how you speak and treat yourself internally and externally than it is what you physically do to spoil yourself.

Self-love is a habit.

For the longest time, I’ve kept everything afloat during the pandemic. I’ve juggled the many ins and outs of homeschooling, working, cooking, and cleaning. I’ve even successfully finished college abs graduated (yes!!!). Self-love seemed incremental, if not negligible, during this time. The numerous points of focus and priority were given to the more impeding matters of daily life.

Two weeks ago, I fell sick. It was by far one of the worst I’ve experienced. Usually, it’s easy to continue to function, at the very least. But this time, it was almost impossible to move any quicker than pouring molasses out of a small spout.

If you asked me two weeks ago, I would have said I was going to die. I would not have thought that maybe all I was missing was a little time for me. Just that one little ounce among everything else of self-care. And I’m not talking about getting groomed or soaking in a tub.

Looking back, I may have averted the whole “I’m going to die” talk if I had only paid more attention to how I was feeling. Sure. Everyone falls sick every now and again. But the rate of recovery has largely everything to do with your mindset. Why wasn’t my mind strong enough to think otherwise?

In addition, I realized that I have not been eating right. All that healthy, nutritious meal planning had gone out the window with the onset of the new year. While I was cooking for the children 6,472 times a day in between lessons, I was barely eating any of it. Rushing from one meal to the next important assignment, then to preparing another snack before laundry… the hustle and bustle of each day became more and more tiring, yet routine.

It didn’t take much thought moving from one task to the next. And it didn’t take much thought either to forget to eat.

It basically does not take much to forget yourself.

Self-love is the endearing voice you speak to yourself with.

There are so many ways that I can now see, where I failed to give myself the love and care I needed. It took a really high temperature to realize that. Part of me thinks the fever must have fried my brain cells. But part of me knows that I should have done this all along.

When a child gets hurt, we often speak to them in a gentle, caring voice. A voice that emits care and love and concern. Where is that voice when we need it most?

As you learn to speak lovingly to yourself, many things start to change. The first I noticed this week when I began once again telling myself that I’m alright and I can regain my strength after being ill so long, is that I also treated my body better. I ate more nutritious meals. I often sat and ate with the kids. And I also paused to take a bite of chocolate when my body was craving it. Almost as if it was telling me it needed an energy boost.

Yes, eat that chocolate.

In just four days, I feel almost 100 percent. I did not need medication anymore by the second day. And today, I actually started my daily workout again.

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Single mothers have this impending duty and responsibility to play so many roles in the lives of our children. It seems like the responsibilities never really end or cease to exist. The days grow longer and the nights are often short.

I’ve preached self-love for decades. And tried to debunk the myth that self-love is all about superficial things that mask the pain and exhaustion for a few moments. However, this time I failed to preach self-love to myself.

What can I say? I’m only human.

Sometimes I get caught up. And that’s absolutely fine. But I’ve learned that loving yourself and caring for your mental well-being does not come only at a time when everything seems to be crashing. Self-love is never timely when you are already feeling like you need it.

Self-love is a habit. It is daily mindfulness to show yourself the same love and care you give your children.

Self-love should be as routine as brushing your teeth each morning and before you go to bed. And no it does not take a lot to love yourself. You do not need hours each day to do anything.

So if you haven’t done or said anything kind to yourself today, why not start now? Even though we might not need it right this moment, but maintaining that aspect of our lives can help us go further, fight harder, and be happy longer.

If you continue to love yourself, your moments of downs become fewer. And in any moment of low, you are better able to pick yourself up again.

Because you deserve to. You deserve to love and be loved.