Before you read the true story of Tabatha, Hoarder of Hooligans, we feel a must to warn you that her story is not just tear-jerking. It is a story of courage and bravery. One that we were so moved by, we found ourselves balling halfway through.
Definitely not for the faint of heart.
We first met Tabatha through Instagram. We thought she was a perfect candidate for our Inspirational Single Moms section (now known as “Rock Star Single Mothers”). Little did we know that Tabatha had such a compelling story to tell…
Meet Tabatha – Hoarder of Hooligans
Tabatha lives in Goodyear, Arizona, with four kids (yes, you read that right!). She has four amazing kids ages 11 (girl), 9 (boy), 7 (girl), and 5 (also a girl). Besides being a single mother, and a really busy one, she is also a middle school science teacher. On the side, she sells makeup and skincare. And we know all single mothers juggle, but this is insane!
Plagued by the humiliation and verbal abuse from those around her after her husband left, Tabatha was left to make a tough decision. Her decision would decide the fate of not just herself, but also her children.
Here is Tabatha’s story.
What inspired you to do what you do?
Tabatha: The business with beauty products came naturally. I love makeup and use skincare religiously. I have 3 daughters that love to play with makeup with me.
Showing my kids that I could have fun, build a business, and be a mom all at once felt like a pretty good example to set. I got into teaching because I’m really good with kids. Previously, I taught kids cooking classes out of my home and volunteered at my kids’ school.
I love their brilliant minds. And if you treat a child with empathy and respect, magical things happen. I started working with a literacy program and loved everything about it. It was great watching them grow and being a part of building their confidence. I loved how excited they were each day to see me. So, I decided to start teaching full time and was offered a position as a 7th grade science teacher.
I believe the only way to have a human-focused society is to raise empathetic and self-aware children. If I model that for my students and encourage the same from them, I’ll be doing my part to help raise good and kind humans. And these children will grow up knowing what respect looks and feels like.
What was rock bottom for you when you became a single mom?
Tabatha: I couldn’t make ends meet. My ex left and moved across the country just after I opened a bakery. I couldn’t get that up and running while taking care of 4 kids and trying to hold myself together.
I reached out for help. The person I reached out to told me I was a disgrace as a human and a mother. They said I was ruining my kids’ lives by being a mess. I was told that everyone would be better off without me. It was hours of my sobbing and saying I was doing my best, and that person saying it would never be enough.
So, I went home, sat my kids at the table with their dinner and asked someone to watch them. Then I swallowed every antidepressant and sleeping pill in my bathroom (well over 100) and kissed my kids goodbye and drove away.
I was 100% convinced I was doing the best thing for my children. I thought they were young enough to forget me and move on. And I thought growing up with vague memories of me would be better than the emotional damage of having me alive and a negative influence.
What were you feeling then?
Tabatha: After I swallowed the pills, my heart broke. It was a feeling of complete and utter defeat. All I’ve ever wanted was to be a mother, and I failed. I wanted to see them grow up. I wanted to be there. But I believed I would only destroy them, so I had to let that dream go in order to spare them.
It hurt for so many reasons.
It hurt to know I brought them into the world just to be the worst thing to happen to them.
It hurt to know my lifelong vision of a house filled with happy kids could only happen if I wasn’t there.
It hurt to know that all of the love in my soul was worthless.
I was completely committed to going through with this. Then I went to a friend’s house, and I curled up on his couch. I said I was tired and just needed a quiet place to take a nap. And I knew it would be a terrible thing to put him through, but I didn’t want to be found days or weeks later by strangers who would be traumatized.
I wrote a letter and folded it into a small little square I could keep hidden in my hand, apologized to him for putting him through what was about to happen. I begged him to please not try to save me. And I wrote an apology to my children for leaving them. I told them I loved them but I was sick and had to go.
What advice can you give another mother who is thinking of taking her own life?
Tabatha: For anyone else thinking of taking their own lives, I can promise no one who loves you will be better off without you. If you love your children enough to literally sacrifice yourself for their happiness, you are the best thing in their lives.
No one else will ever love them that fiercely. Don’t take that away from them.
Find help. There is absolutely no shame in struggling. None. Find help. Get your feet under you. Keep loving your babies with every fiber of your being and build yourself back up ten times stronger. You will be glad you did. Your children will be glad you did.
What is the one value or lesson you can take away from becoming a single mom?
Tabatha: The only way to fail is to stop caring. As long as I am doing what I believe is best for my family, I won’t fail.
Any tips on juggling or managing your schedule and your children.
Tabatha: I have a physical planner and multiple calendar/scheduling apps. The apps are all linked, and it’s all written in my planner. I also have alarms and timers set on my phone. Schedules are crucial.
It’s not always fun to be rigid but missing something important or overextending myself is even worse. I’ve taught my kids the importance of goal setting and focusing on one task at a time. They’ve gotten really good at seeing what needs to be done and helping out, too. It’s not the magical carefree childhood that I envision for them, but we all have an amazing bond now. We also end up with more free time and less stress in the long run.
Any advice for other single moms?
Tabatha: Find someone you can hold as a role model and trust them. And when that voice in your heads says terrible things, choose NOT to believe it.
I had so many people telling me I could do this and was doing a good job. My children were loved and fed and had a safe home. But I chose to listen to the people who were vocalizing my biggest fears. I even knew they were untrustworthy people with ulterior motives. I let them get in my head, and it very nearly destroyed me. Don’t let that happen to you! Surround yourself with positivity and the people who motivate you, and it will all work out in the end.
Words of Advice for our Readers, from Tabatha.
Tabatha: Our children will learn from us what it looks like to be a woman. Show them that women are resilient. How we bend without breaking. Show them how we are gentle but strong. Show them it’s possible to fall over and over but that it’s worth it to always get back up.
Because of our struggles and the successes that grow from them, our sons will have a deeper respect for women, and our daughters will be raised to know women are capable of anything.
Follow Tabatha – Hoarder of Hooligans
Support Tabatha by following her business, Fresh Faced & Fancy on Facebook and Instagram. You can also visit www.FreshFacedAndFancy.com or her YouTube channel.